PARTY PREPARATIONS

by Arthur Chappell

On his seven-hundredth birthday we gave
Him Dracula Has Risen From The Grave.
As he's still got his video player
How about Buffy The Vampire Slayer?
Oh! Has he got that one already? Shit!
Well how about something with Ingrid Pitt?
I reckon he must have seen them all by now.
Presents aside, we still have to somehow
Decide who to invite to his surprise
Party tomorrow night, starting moonrise.
The werewolves can't come coz' the Moon's not full.
The zombies are too depressing and dull.
Igor's coming with Baron Frankenstein
Along with two or three old friends of mine,
Well, bits of them. Ted's leg, Tom's arm, Fred's head.
Talk about the night of the living dead!
I got an e-mail from a dear old friend.
"It's too far to swim to you from this end,
Have a good party. I'll see you all soon."
That's by The Creature From The Black Lagoon.
As for the Invisible Man, we'll see
Him or maybe not as the case may be.
Rosemary's Baby's coming, so don't swear.
Medusa The Gorgon is washing her hair.
Dracula's son, dog and daughter are free,
'Incredible Shrinking Man's too tiny
Now, so he's worried he might get stepped on
And The Incredible Melting Man's gone
Altogether, a great loss you'll agree
But we do have mummies and a banshee!
Last thing tonight I'll nail his coffin shut
That way we can be sure he stays put.
I can't wait to see the look in his eyes
When he breaks free and we all shout SURPRISE!
You won't mind if I leave early, I trust?
Or by sunrise you won't see me for dust.