In a spirit of serious literary criticism (stop giggling at the back), FONT Presents:

The ERB scale of Science Fiction Hardness

Somewhat inspired by the Moh's scale used for guaging the relative hardness of rocks, hence each author is presented with their equivalent from the Moh scale. While we would be delighted to inspire some heated debates in the bar, we feel we should issue the following safety advice:

Warning: Do not attempt to determine the relative hardness of SF authors by testing who can scratch who.

10: Robert L Forward

(Diamond)

A Doctorate in Physics, loads of work on gravity-wave detectors, and SF hard enough to put everyone else in their place.

"Both the Silverhair and the ball rapidly develop a cloud of orbiting electrons around them," said Philippe. "They must attract the negative electrons from the plasma in space while repelling the positive ions. The negative electric charge of the electron cloud cancels out the positive electric charge of the negative matter, unless, of course, you get inside the orbiting cloud of electrons and very close to the surface of the negative matter. Hiroshi got some good measurements of the electric field around the ball by enclosing it in a plastic container, sweeping up all the electrons near the ball with a grounded metallic plate, then making measurements inside the container while all the interfering electrons were forced to stay outside the container. We then did some experiments on the ball."

Dragon's Egg

9: Hal Clement

(Corundum)

For writing a novel where a major plot twists depend on the merits and shortcomings of conventional ship design on a high-gravity world.

Speculation is perfectly all right, but if you stay there you've only founded a superstition. If you test it, you've started a science.

Still, to float at all on an ocean of liquid methane she must be extremely light since methane is less than half as dense as water. Also she was not hollow - did not float, that is, by virtue of a large central air space which lowered her average density, as does a steel ship on Earth. The "wood" of which the Bree was made was light enough to float on methane and support the ship's crew and a substantial cargo as well.

Mission of Gravity

8: Arthur C Clarke

(Topaz)

From communication satellites and solar sails to the nine billion names of God, you just never forget those wonderful ideas.

A rocket-driven spaceship can, obviously, only accelerate along its major axis - that is, 'forwards'. Any deviation from a straight course demands a physical turning of the ship, so that the motors can blast in another direction. Everyone knows that this is done by internal gyros or tangential steering jets: but very few people know just how long this simple manoeuvre takes.

Hide-and-Seek

7: Kim Stanley Robinson

(Quartz)

For making Mars seem a familiar landscape, even if the windmills wouldn't have worked. Also for the grandest, most romantic gesture in the whole of SF - Sax Russell putting the moons back in the Martian sky.

They were plowing through the air at a speed and height calculated to put them into what aerodynamicists call transitional flow, a state halfway between free molecular flow and continuum flow. Free molecular flow would have been the preferred mode of travel, with the air that struck the heat shield shoved to the sides, and the resulting molecular vacuum refilled mostly by molecular diffusion; but they were moving too fast for that, and they could only just barely avoid the tremendous heat of continuum flow, in which air would have moved over shield and ship as part of a wave action.

Red Mars

6: Isaac Asimov

(Feldspar)

For his huge influence, not just on science fiction, but on IT, robotics and popular science. Besides, we LIKE robots (insert Beyond Cyberdrome plug here).

First Law:

A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Second Law:

A robot must obey orders given it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

Third Law:

A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Runaround

5: Bob Shaw

(Apatite)

When he broke the laws of physics, he let us know that he wasn't working in the same universe by making Pi equal to 3.

A new physics had been devised - based mainly on the work of the Canadian mathematician, Arthur Arthur - which took into account the lately observed fact that when a body of appreciable mass and gravitic field reached speeds apporaching .2c it entered new frames of reference. Once a ship crossed the threshold velocity it created its own portable universe in which different rules applied...

Orbitsville

4: Anne McCaffrey

(Fluorspar)

Telepathic, teleporting fire-breathing bloody HUGE DRAGONS. But they had nifty borosilicate skeletons after a hasty scientific retrofit. So that's alright then.

On the anniversary of her 16th year, Helva was unconditionally graduated and installed in her ship, the XH-834. Her permanent titanium shell was recessed behind an even more indestructible barrier in the central shaft of the scout ship. The neural, audio, visual and sensory connections were made and sealed... When she woke, she was the ship.

The Ship Who Sang

3: William Gibson

(Calcite)

He doesn't do the science, and is wise enough to just skip it, without spending too much time attempting to explain things.

Freeside is many things, not all of them obvious to the tourists who shuttle up and down the well. Freeside is brothel and banking nexus, pleasure dome and free port, border town and spa. Freeside is Las Vegas and the hanging gardens of Babylon, an orbital Geneva and home to a famila inbred and most carefully refined, the industrial clan of Tessier and Ashpool.

Neuromancer

2: Iain M Banks

(Gypsum)

For demonstrating Clarke's maxim that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

He'd seen the things they called bays, where they built smaller space ships (smaller in this case meant over three kilometers long); vast unsupported hangers with thin walls. He'd been near the immense engines, which as far as he could gather were solid, and inaccessible (how?), and obviously extremely massive; he'd felt oddly threatened on discovering that there was no control room, no bridge, no flight deck anywhere in the vast vessel, just three Minds - fancy computers, apparently - controlling everything (what!?)

Use of Weapons

1: E E 'Doc' Smith

(Talc)

For gross over-use of the word "Heterodyne" (Note from Cal: Gav tells me that this is one of the funniest things about 'Doc' Smith's fiction. I think that those of us who don't have an in depth knowledge of electrical engineering terminology will just have to believe him on this one).

High in the deep red heavens a fervid blue sun poured down its flood of brilliant purplish light upon a world of water. Not a cloud was to be seen in that flaming sky... As that mighty sun dropped below the horizon the sky would fill suddenly with clouds and rain would fall violently and steadily until midnight. Then the clouds would vanish as suddenly as they had come into being, the torrential downpour would cease, and through that huge world's wonderfully transparent gaseous envelope the full glory of the firmament would be revealed.

Triplanetary

0: Edgar Rice Burroughs

(Instant Whip. But what flavour? That is the question.)

Look, his science is just in la-la land, okay?

The building in which I found myself contained the machinery which produces that artificial atmosphere which sustains life on Mars. The secret of the entire process hinges on the use of the ninth ray, one of the beautiful scintillations which I had noted emanating from the great stone in my host's diadem.

This ray is separated from the other rays of the sun by means of finely adjusted instruments placed upon the roof of the huge building, three-quarters of which is used for reservoirs in which the ninth ray is stored. This product is then treated electrically, or rather certain proportions of refined electric vibrations are incorporated with it, and the result is then pumped to the five principal air centers of the planet where, as it is released, contact with the ether of space transforms it into atmosphere.

A Princess of Mars